Monday, April 7, 2008
it's me.. -anne-
dear fcukers family,
am so so sorry for ruining the outing.. i'm not purposely spoiling it de.. i tried my best le, but i stil failed, and i failed badly..
to hwei :
ta tou uncle, dui bu qi, let jiali jealous le, but xie xie ni..zhen de hen xie xie ni... without ur help, without ur strength, without everything, i really duno what to do le.. that time was really my darkest time.. nobody knows how i feel, how dark i am, seeing nothing except the road to death.. i drunk, i cried, i shout, i scold, but u know? i really feel good, at least my heart is numb, i'm numb, i can feel nothing except letting all my feelings out, expressed it all out, and cried as much as i wan..
uncle, thanks for ur helping hand.. yup, that's what frens r for.. u came as my uncle, helping me, an wei me, u're really my best pal.. since i first know fcukers, u've alwiz been my best pal.. u knew i couldn't take it, u dun wanna me to continue hearing le. uncle, xie xie ni..
to jiali:
dui bu qi, mei nv.... i really bu shi gu yi borrowed ur bf without asking ur permission de. bu yao shen qi le, hao ma? yuan liang wo, yuan liang ta tou uncle hao ma? he's really my good uncle, and jiali, u're my best mei nv le.. i know, girl, u've alwiz wanted me to stay strong, wanted me to let go, let go of those feeling i got, let go this complicated relationship i got, cuz u care for me. u really do care for me right? i know.. sorry girl, so long then i understand this fact.. so long then i decided, so long then i'm determined..
ya, no more next time le, no more shouting, no more scoldings from u le.. why ne? cuz i wont turned back this time.. mei nv, xie xie for ur courage and understand, and thanks for waking me up also.. dui bu qi.. wont disappointed u and ta tou uncle le, wont waste ur time and tears de.. =))
to myra:
darlingg... told ya le, i need courage and strength ah.. i promised wil try my best, failed, but u're there for me, there hugging me, there trying to solve my problems, though i buang face, buang attitude, buang everything, but i really appreciated each and every1's help.. i love hugging u and cry together, cuz at least i know, i'm not crying alone, i'm not alone..
darling... dun worry.. u're not alone too... family problems, fcukers' problems, relationship's problems, all come to me, turn to me, like how i turn to u k? cry on my shoulder nvm, shirt wet nvm, juz have to wash for me only.. =p hahaha.. okok... girl, stay strong, dun emo, and pls.. dun smoke so much can? dun smokes le... control, throw that habit away... wilson too, hao ma? jiayou pls, can? darlingg... we can do it.. anything, need my hug, tell me k? and i shall tell u if i need one too...
to ts, wilson and kun ming:
brothers... =)) u guys really make me shocked.. really appreciated u guys' effort trying to make me laugh, though all also buang sia... but really.. thanks a million.. =(( i'm really touched...
ts.. xie xie ni for caring.. ya, i wil jiayou, but u also, remember my words.. u love her, dun say it thru mouth only.. hao hao prove it, control ur temper, u both wil xin fu de... =))
wilson, idiot la u.... drunk le summore an wei me, talk half way suddenly u talk ur own problems.. hahaha... i duno i was crying or laughing lo.. hahaha... but yeah.. letting go is hard... but if it's good for every1, y not doing it? nothing is impossible, not ma? time heals everything.. lock all up ba, keep it within us.. memories stay, true enough.. =)) we're good enough to have at least some memories with us, right? jiayou brother!
*p/s: thanks for ur vodka! =p
kun, u make me shocked the most... u usually so buang, so attitude, but ur words really do come in strongly.. "let her cry ba, let her shout, cry finish le, jiu dun think le, dun cry for him le, dun turn back".. xie xie... once u finish saying it, i really got the courage express all out, shout as much as i wan, cry as hard as i wan.. u not totally buang ma... at least, i appreciated ur appearance in this outing.. xie xie.. =))
to other fuckers member:
dui bu qi, zh.. i ruined ur outing, but bbq not bad ba... like very funny also, all drunk, then all so buang face de.. hahahaha.... =p u also face red red lo, hahahaha.... and idiot la u! purposely grab the chance to kiss me! eeee!! but ur kiss really helps.. hahaha... eewww.. like so les sia... =p eve, thanks for pei-ing me, chatting with me, and everything u done ye.. thanks lots... love ya girl, i really do.. muacks.... eric, qian hua, jiamin, dui bu qi for the buang outing.. but thanks also, this outing helps me a lot.. helps me re-arrange my life, my feelings.. after this, no more le k? i promise here in front of every1, i wil be a fun-maker that u guys wil miss me much if i dint go.. =p hahaha... sorry...
last but not least..
ye...
sorry for hurting u so badly, making u so disappointed.. nv er can only think of that way to numb myself le.. nv er tried every single way to stop myself from spoiling the party, stay strong, but nv er cant.. ye, sorry... nv er told ya b4, i wanna stay as ur nv er at ur side forever, but wo bu xiao xin fall for u le.. nv er know, u got gf, also know ye love her much, but nv er had alwiz keeping a slightest hope ye wil wan me also... nv er baichi ba... that's y i'm so hurt, it's so hurtful..
being drunk is not a cool thing, i know.. nor vulgarities, nor smoking also.. but nv er really lost.. nv er lost in the hole created by me, a useless me who love spoiling ur life, make ye so miserable.. nv er planned to leave u after this outing le also, cuz nv er dun wan ye to feel tired, dun wan ye to continue got hurt by this baichi nv er le... but ye's action, ye's words, ye's caring really making me to cancel my plan, continue to keep that slightest hope i had for u.. but after some incident happened, which i wont mentioned it here, i'm totally determined, i wont turn back le...
ye said, true frenship does not exist, nv er was only lying to u, give some time to nv er... let me recover, let me lock everything up, lock the feeling up, lock that pitiful small small hope up, bring it all away with me first, and when i'm back to ur side, i'll be ur pure nv er, a family member of urs, and shall be waiting for my true prince charming to come rescue me and give me my favourite flower (u know ba.. mi mi k? =p )
meanwhile, let me re-arrange my life first... let me heal, let me find a suitable place to lock those wonderful things up first, okie? am sorry to have hurt u, i cant thought of any way better than hurting u, making u pissed off of me and dumped me into the rubbish bin. but sumhow, i can feel ur pain.. maybe that's why i'm ur nv er.. hahaha... ya, family stays together... nv er wil come back de.... the gentle nv er, the 1 who dislike smoking, the1 who dislike scolding bad words, the 1 who wil fish u when ye scold f*** u..
i duno how long i need.. but til then, hope ye take good care of urself, eat well, sleep well, play well.. nv er stil stays the same, anything happen to ye, nv er wont be able to smile anymore..
** i love u all... fcukers family, i love u... sorry for everything that happens, but i wont waste the efforts and hopes u guys put on me... shall come back as the auntie anne u guys used to know..
heartbroken, tears, pain, suffering, torturing.. none of these shall returned to my life after a while...
our friendship is endless, fcukers remains forever :)
