Tuesday, April 8, 2008
it's not i wanna neglect u.. i juz duno how to say.. let me put it this way then...
jia min..
dui bu qi...
i've been hurting u ba... like keep holding ur bf bu fang.. wanna stick to him, though i know he got gf le, love de also is his gf.. but i juz bu fang qi, stil holding on a slightest hope that he wil wan me.. sorry.. really sorry...
am so sorry that so late then i realise this fact, so late then i wake up from this sweet dream, a dream directed by me, and i've been hiding myself in that dream for so long.. cuz the real world is too painful, too cruel, too harsh on me le.. i dun wanna lost him, sum1 that i appreciate his existence in my life so much, sum1 that i started to cant live without, sum1 that is even more important than my own life..
everytime i see he hurts, see he cry, how pain he is, i feel doubled pain than him.. i dislike u, really dislike u, maybe cuz i too like him le, that's y i can nvr like u.. now then i realise this fact too, that's y everytime i said wanna be fren with u, but ended up failed.. cuz it's too hurtful for me seeing u both sweet sweet hugging front of me.. i stayed strong alwiz, but i'm stil a girl after all. i'm not that strong, at least not in love, that's y i alwiz failed to protect myself from getting hurt.
i know u care for me, but girl, u're a girl too, understand my feeling ba.. i know i'm torturing u, when yeye also care for me, but u both are torturing me too, know ma? u said that u're jealous of me, can alwiz stay at his side, play with him, share everything with him.. but why are u jealous of me while u're the only 1 in his heart? i'm the one shud be jealous ba.. lol... no1 can take over ur place in his heart, i know.. =)
as for me, i need time.. i wanna be fren with u too, wanna zhi lian with u too like how i zhi lian with the other fcukers.. but firstly, i need to let go, need to lock up all my extra extra feelings first, not ma? hope u understand.. this morning's sms, i'm sorry that i scolded u, cuz u dun seems to understand what i mean, what i wan.. i'm not torturing myself, what i meant was, i wanna do it my way, a way that i can heal myself, then i can go back to his side as a normal nv er grandpa de relationship, no extra extra feeling when see u both together except happy for both of u.. i need time, i need to be alone, away from u, away from him, away from fcukers if my way would hurt any1 of u. i juz need to be alone, re-arrange my messed-up life, and stand on my feet once again..
hope u understand me, give me a chance to stand up once again, hao ma? meanwhile during this period, pei pei him, do ur best as a good gf, his best bfpg ( duno what it means though.. hahaha.. =p ) hao ma? let me alone recover 1st.. if i need help, i wont paiseh ask for help de, but if i dint, pls.. let me do it my way k?
1 last word..
SORRY!
our friendship is endless, fcukers remains forever :)
